pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
