I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
