fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
