I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
