You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
