so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
