i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
