Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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