it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
