I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
there was a trapeze. enough said
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
