But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
