this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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