so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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