dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
