Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Boobs speak an international language.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
