Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize