Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
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I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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