Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
