just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
