You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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