Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
