The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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