So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
