Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Do vagina's smell?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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