So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize