im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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