btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
