just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
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God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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