I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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