just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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