Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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