you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
