Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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