a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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