I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
