careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
