Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
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Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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