I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
