Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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