I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
MIDGETS
????
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
