This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
