I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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