that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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