i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
