It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
