well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
