I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How's work?
Spinning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
