You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
