I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
