why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
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