no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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