i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
