so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am one with the molecules
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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