Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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