EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
