Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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