I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
